Post Party Blues!
by Rozi
Summary: After a post celebratorary drink (or three), it's not only a hangover that the Marauders have to deal with... (contains SOME Remus/Sirius shounen ai)
1. We love you Gryffindor!

**Post party Blues Part 1**

Rozi

*** I've joined the legions of Harry Potter fans! Yes! It's true! Not only that, but the Remus/Sirius thing has converted me to slash/shounen ai fics! (It'll still take a LOT of persuading to convert me to like Draco/Harry, Harry/Ron. As for disc world, I'm still a big NO on Vimes/Carrot fics, but I can live with Vimes/Vetinari). My friend Niki has introduced me to Gravitation (male on male glomping a plenty!) and it's officially twisted my tiny mind. BUT! I do not feel in any way confident to do a NC-17 rated Remus/Sirius fic, after all, ff.net doesn't allow it anymore. For now, it's just some goofy shounen ai thrown in to put some general fun into the plot, cause that's what I feel comfortable with. Also, I've thrown in some James/Lily shippyness to. For no reason other than more comedy! Yay! I've also kept it very British, after all, I am British and so is Harry Potter (ha-ha! We have Terry Pratchett, J.K Rowling and J.R.R Tolkien! What do the Americans have? NOTHING! *puts on Nelson laugh* Haw Haw!) *** 

Recommended play list for this fic-

**(Anime/ J-rock/pop)**

Gravitation - Yuutsuna seven days

Gravitation - No Style

E.M.U – Shounen a-z

Lucifer- Datenshi Blue

Digimon season one- Butterfly 

Malice Mizer- Premier Amour

Sorcerer Hunters- What's up guys?

RUROUNI KENSHIN- Kimi wa dare wo mamotte iru 

RUROUNI KENSHIN - Sobakasu 

X Japan- Weekend

Gackt- Another World

Gackt- U+K

**(Everything else)**

Spunge- Angel with a pint glass

Spunge- Whinger 

Madness- It must be love

Madness- Baggy Trousers

(Oh we like Ska…)

Less than Jake- Ask the Magic 8 ball

Orgazmo soundtrack- Now you're a man (it's funny, trust me)

Creedance Clearwater Revival- Bad Moon Rising

Mighty Mighty Bosstones- Never had to knock on Wood 

Reel Big Fish- End of the World as we know it

Sorted? Good. Now on with the fic…

**Somewhere in the forbidden forest, around 1a.m **

"We love you Gryffindor! We do! We love you Gryffindor! We do! We love you Gryffindor! We DDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOO!-AH!" (Ever listened to drunken English football fans? I have.)

There are only certain songs you sing whilst drunk, but luckily this one was virtually _written_ for those who were so smashed that they could barely remember the tune let alone the words. Four shadows staggered into view, all swaying gently as the loud chant echoed off the foreboding trees that pierced the night sky above the Forbidden Forest.  They wore various degrees of the Hogwarts uniform with the Gryffindor tie. All of them carried bottles of Gertrud Gether's Best, which Sirius had sneaked into the dormitories from Hogsmede. It was not only very strong, but it coloured your tongue and vomit with many rather pretty rainbow colours as Peter Pettigrew found out when the rest of the Marauders stopped by a tree to let him throw up. 

"Look at that! Those colours! 'S real prettty!" James slurred and took a swig of his bottle "Jus' like Lily… so pretty… those lovely green eyes….those eyes…. Like… green things…"

"Sapp'ires?" Sirius garbled and belched loudly into the night.

"Nah ya pillock, they're BLUE! Hons'stly!" Remus said loudly "Ya thinkin' o' em'ralds there Prongs me old boy." 

"Yeah… emmy a thing… well Lily's got eyes JUS' like 'em! All shiny and green and stuff…" James smiled, took a last drain of his bottle and threw it away. It hit a tree root with a satisfying _crash_. He let go of his friends and staggered forward shouting "Lily is _the most fit, gorg'ous, beau'iful, drop dead AMAZIN' woman I have EVER met! An' you know wha? I love HER! Oh YES! I LOVE YOU LILY! I DO! I LOVE YOU LILY! I DO!"_

His words echoed louder than was comfortable for the other three. Something rustled in the bushes behind them and they jumped. Peter swallowed "Uh… lads, we sho' go ba', co' be dange'ous ou' here!"

"Ha!" James scoffed, rolling up his sleeves, "brin' it ON! I can take 'em! Wi'… wi'… one han' behin' me back! And blindfol'ed! Standin' on one leg! WITH NO WAND!"

He swung a punch at nothing and spun round on his heels, Sirius caught him as he fell to the ground and heaved him up again. "Than's Padfoo'! Y'know, dunno what I wo' do wi'out ya! I love ya Paddy, almost as much as I love Lily… but inna diff'rent way y'understan'! Don' get wron' ideas or nothin'!" He added quickly.

"Yea' I know," Sirius put James' arm around his should for support "'course I do Prongy… I love ya to! Y'rascal lil' boy! Best seeker Gryff'ndor ever SAW!"

There was a drunken cheer. 

Peter belched and fell forward. He was asleep before he hit the grass, snoring drunkenly. 

"Wormy's gon' ta sleep," Remus pointed out. 

They stopped.

"We be'er stay here, I'll pro'ec Worm'ail wi' my fis of FURY!" James balled his fists again and picked a fight with a nearby tree. 

"Y'know, not wishin' ta soun' like ol' Pete there," Sirius said, "bu' we ougta think 'bout gettin' bac! Cou' be horri' things 'ere!"

"Nah!" Said James "We're safe! Ya go' me ta pro'ec you! 'M han'some, stron', fasser than a sni'ch! Got tha' sni'ch GOOD! Kick'd Slyth'rin's ARSE!"

There was yet another cheer. 

"Snapey din' look ha'y whe' you won us the game! He loo'ed like he wa' gonna kill ya!" Remus burped.

"Snape! I don' care 'bout Snape! He ca' kiss my cu'e lil arse he can. Slimy gi'! He's jus' a sour fac'd loser who cou'n't fly a broom if he tri'd!" James laughed. 

They settled down on the grass around Peter who was still snoring at full volume. Remus, who had been carrying the full bottles, threw another bottle at James who caught it expertly. He banged the bottle cap sloppily on the tree he had slumped against and eventually opened it. 

"Hey Prongs," Sirius slurred "Thas a rum'our 'bout Snape fanc'ing Lily! Hear 'bout tha?"

James smirked "He'd be ma' not ta! No' tha he's go' a chans in HELL! 'cause 'm quiet plain'ly be'er than Snape! Muc' be'er lookin' at an' ra'e. Lily's go' stan'ards! I mean, 'o wo' you ra'her go fer? Me? Quiddi'c' hero? Or Snape, sour faced Sly'erin git? Hey hey, you kno', whe' they gave Snape a nose and teeth they ruine' a per'ec'ly goo' arse 'ole! Yea'! I'm def'a'ly a prize ca'ch me! "

Remus chuckled "Ya thin' 'lo' of ye'self don' ya four-eyes?" 

James glared at Remus "Leas' I don' 'ave a REALLY ba' hair day a' tha' time o' the mon'h!"

He laughed stupidly at his own joke and Remus looked toughly un-amused.

"Hey! I can' help tha y'know! 'S a damn goo' thin' thas' not full moon now, o'erwise ya woun' be laughin' a' ALL!"

"Now now lads!" Said Sirius quickly "None 'o us wanna fight do we lads? We're mates we 'r! We're friends! Now les' kis' and make up!"

James and Remus looked at him for a moment, both wearing the same expression. 

"Wha'e'r Paddy," said James "I on'y got eyes fer Lily! Oh my dar'lin' Lily, I love yooooooooouuuuuu!"

His drunken, discordant singing once again echoed across the trees. 

"Y'know wha'? All this bein' grea' an' fan'astic an' all mas' me well tired! 'M goin' ta lie down f'while now, nig'"

Following Peter's suit, James slumped back against the tree and promptly fell fast asleep. Sirius and Remus looked down at the sleeping figure and sighed.

"I thou' he'd NEV'R go! He ha'… how many bo'les?" Sirius said, patting his pockets for another bottle of the bizarre brew. 

"A' leas' four," Remus mumbled, " 'specially a'fer tha' drin'ing game wi' Weasley and Jen'ins, they dar'ed him to chu' two bo'les and he waz s'ill stan'ing af'er three!"

"'Mazin'! Min' you, I've 'ad two an' I'm a' so'er as the day I were bor'!"

"No bloody kiddin'! Min' you, bot' of you were alwa' goo' at hol'in' dow' drin'," said Remus, with a bizarre, dreamy tone to his voice "Bo' of ya coul' drin' three 'ole bot'les of Glumbles' Brew and still do a duellin' rou with Snapey-pie."

"Yeah…" Sirius agreed with the same misty tone.

"Bo' o' ya 'r so goo' a' bein'… bein'…" Remus struggled for the right word in a haze of Gertrud Gether's Best, "COOL! I wis' I wa' as cool as youse…really wis' I wa'…"

"Moony me ol' chum," interrupted Sirius.

"Yeah?" Remus replied.

"Ye… go' a… thin'ie… eyelas' in ye lef' eye," He slurred leaning a little closer, "jus' here…"

(if any one needs help translating Pure Old Slublolian (the language of drunken post football louts everywhere) email me)


	2. Never gonna drink again

**Post Party Blues Part 2**

**Rozi**

All Hell broke loose. Or at least, that's what it felt like. Sirius awoke and groaned, he had never had a hangover so bad, his whole body was on fire. His head pounded like a troll was tap dancing on his brain; someone had replaced his eyeballs with curried marbles in the night and his tongue felt as if someone had spread Astroturf on it. He grunted and put his hands to his face, for some reason his left arm felt heavier than his right. He tried to think, he knew he was hung over (it was hard to ignore it), he knew that they had got really pissed last night… after Gryffindor had won the cup, he and the others had suggested that the older years (at least fifth year and above) have a party that involved a hell of a lot of drinking. He had sneaked in the bottles, but it was Arthur Weasley and Gregory Jenkins that had suggested the drinking game. James had won because he was able to stand (albeit swaying like a pole in a heavy breeze) after… God knows… three bottles? After that they had all got _very drunk, the four of them had staggered out into the forbidden forest to… to… carry on drinking. The Gryffindor head of house had come in and ordered them all to go to bed, although a vast majority of the students had passed out anyway. They had sneaked out and decided to carry on the festivities out in the forest. After that? ... it was a blur to him, but he had a horrible feeling that it would come crashing down on him soon. He blinked and tried to see through the swim of sleep and post drinking stupor, he saw James, still slumped snoring like a warthog with catarrh against a tree and Peter a few feet away also snoring loudly. _

A thought rang loudly in his ears; he remembered that they were all sleeping in the Forbidden Forest, drunk and vulnerable to attack at any moment. They had been lucky! They were all alive and in one piece… maybe the forest creatures feared Remus, he was a werewolf after all and-

Remus! Where the hell was he? What was going on? Why was he so cold? And what the bloody hell-

"- Is that weird taste in my mouth?" He said aloud, finally managing to return to recognizable English.  

"Well," said a sly voice down by his side, "you should know Paddy."

Sirius' brain finally shut down. He looked to where the voice had come from and saw Remus lying on his side, his hair sprawled out messily and a seductively worrying smile plastered on his face.

What caught Sirius' attention was the fact that Remus was naked. Completely and utterly in the buff, stark nude, no clothes, bollock naked…. And checking himself he found that he was…

Also naked. 

"Oh…. My….God…" He muttered.

"Yep, that's what I was thinking," said Remus, that grin spreading like sin across his face, "is your hangover bad?"

"It's just got a whole lot worse," moaned Sirius, his focus finally resting on his left arm, he suddenly realised why his left arm was so heavy.

"Moony?" He said, politeness straining under a rather urgent tone, "would you like to explain the handcuffs?"

 "Oh yeah, well they were _your_ idea Paddy," Remus replied "I distinctly remember you saying 'Moony, hey, how's about we make it _really_ interesting' so you transfigured a silver sickle into a pair of handcuffs."

Sirius tried to take this in and failed "I did? How? I was never _that_ good at transfiguration… apart from the whole animagus thing…"

"Oh I helped," said Remus happily.

"Oh… right… please undo them."

Remus looked rather dejected, but he reached for his wand and detransfigured the handcuffs back into a silver sickle. Sirius rubbed his wrist painfully and winced "So… we… did have…I mean we _did_…do…_it," he finished lamely._

"Yep, we did Padfoot."

Sirius shuddered "Look…it's not that I have a problem with two _men_…doing…. You know…."

"It?"

"Right… it's just…. Well….I was very drunk and so were you! It's not like it really… meant anything- Not that I'm saying it didn't! I'm just saying… that… let's never talk about this ever, _ever, again okay?"_

Remus took a lot better than Sirius had thought he would, a little too well if he really thought about it, but even thinking was becoming painful so he just concentrated on getting his clothes back on before James and Peter woke up.

"You clear Moony? Subject closed, end of story, we are not to talk about it _ever_ again!" Sirius repeated urgently.

"'Course Padfoot, won't say a word," Remus said breezily.

"Good."

"Good."

"Settled?"

"Yep."

Sirius found his clothes lying in a crumpled heap nearby, he hastily got dressed trying not to look at Remus' face. When he did, he saw Remus still had a huge grin spread across it. Sirius wondered how long it would be before the subject would be raised again, not long he suspected, much to his horror.

He and Remus were just hoping into their trousers when James stirred and awoke. Sirius hastily did up the front of his flies when James opened his eyes; he looked as bad as Sirius felt. James normally messy hair had seemed to redefine the very _word messy. His eyes were red and blood shot, his glasses hung skew-whiff off the end of his nose and he uttered a barely audible grunt._

"Bad hang over?" Sirius asked.

"Oh…. God…" groaned James "Kill me…kill me please!"

James had drunken more than the rest of them and had managed to hold it, but now it was all coming back in a torrent. He had never felt so bad in his entire life!

"We'd better get back… 'fore the teachers catch us, we'll be for it if they find out we were boozing in the Forbidden Forest, especially Moo- Oh morning, Moony," James indicated Remus, "As I was saying; Dumbledore trusted us not to let you out here."

"It weren't full moon," said Remus, who was doing quiet well despite the hangover, "I was safe, so were you lot."

"Still, we ought to- _ow- get a move on eh lads?" Said James getting up, trying to steady himself on the tree he had been sleeping on, "where's Wormtail?"_

Remus indicated to a crumpled, snoring heap that was Peter Pettigrew. Sirius walked over to him and nudged him with his foot, he snorted and awoke. 

"Wakey wakey Wormy," said Sirius "we have to get a move on."

After some false starts, several groans and protests they eventually got up and moved in a mass of hung-over vagueness through the forbidden forest and back to the castle, Sirius avoiding Remus' gaze.

Luckily no one saw them as they moved through the castle; James was cursing himself for not remembering his Invisibility Cloak, but luckily they were not seen.

They returned to find the Gryffindor common room in a state; it looked as if several hurricanes and an apocalypse had traipsed through. It was strewn with snoring Gryffindor students and even some hung-over ghosts, including Sir Nicholas, sleeping with his head hanging off his neck. They stepped carefully over them to their dorms, vowing to never, _never touch a drop of alcohol __ever again._

They were about to step into the door that led to the boy's dorm, when they stopped. A pretty, red headed girl with green eyes stood in front of the entrance. She wore the angriest scowl that they had ever seen.

James, fighting off his hangover, dropped his compatriots and tried to smile, "Morning Lily, wha-" he stopped when he saw her expression, "what's up?"

No one expected it, least of all James, and they all winced as Lily's hand swiped round with a _whoosh_ and connected with James' cheek with a ringing _slap. It left a raw looking red mark._

"What-" he begun.

"'Lily's got standards! Who would you rather go for? I'm a prize catch me!'" Lily's shouted impression of a drunken James echoed in their ears painfully "you egotistical, selfish, arrogant _pig!"_

"But… but…" James begun, recoiling from the overwhelming shock of being slapped whilst trying to keep his balance "I didn't-"

Lily grabbed the front of his robes and yelled "I hope your hangover really _hurts_ James Potter! Because it's the least that you deserve! You think I'd even want to go _near such a conceited…. __swine?! You've got another think coming! I HATE YOU!"_

With red hot tears of anger streaking her face she stamped past him, hair flying out behind her like sparks. James struggled to run after her, closely followed by the rest of the Marauders, through the portrait hole and out into the hall. James called out "Lily! I didn't mean it! I was drunk out of my mind! Lily! LILY!"

But she ignored him and carried on walking.

"How did she know what happened?" Whispered Peter, "she wasn't in the forest with us when we were all drunk was she?"

"No, she didn't follow us, we'd have known if she had," said Sirius gravely.

"Then who did?" Remus said urgently.

"Lily! Please _listen_ to me-" James was calling.

He stopped when a smug face attached to the body of Serverus Snape; he stood directly between James and Lily. 

James growled, "Out of the way!"

"Oh aren't we in trouble Potter?" Snape sneered, "Not so high and mighty now eh? Looks like I _have got a chance in hell with Lily after all?"_

It took a while with James brain only working on second gear, but the penny dropped. "You followed us! You slimy, sneaking bastard!" James spat, his nose an inch or so away from Snape's. 

"Language Potter," said Snape, "don't you think you're in enough trouble already?"

James dug in his pockets for his wand, glaring with flashing anger.

"How about we settle this eh? Mano et mano? Or you too much of a coward to face me?" James snarled. 

"James!" Sirius hissed "leave it alone! We _are in too much trouble already! What about _Remus_?!"_

James wasn't listening, he pointed his wand at Snape and cried out a spell that sent Snape shooting backwards before he even had a chance to reach for his own wand. The dazed Serverus sat up no sporting a pair of not-too-fetching bull horns poking out of his jet black hair. A crowd had gathered to see the potential fight breaking out, the Gryffindor students were laughing like crazy, the Slytherin students were yelling at Snape to get James back. They were still feeling really bitter toward Gryffindor for beating them yesterday in the Quidditch cup, now was a chance for some payback. Snape struggled to his feet quicker than James could utter another spell and pointed his wand back at James yelling "_Lapanerus_!"

James flew back also, a pair of white bunny ears poked from his messy black hair and he even had a fluffy bunny tail poking out of the seat of his trousers. Now it was the Slytherins turn to laugh, pointing and cooing. James retaliated with a quick jelly leg charm, which had Snape swaying and wobbling until he countered with spell that had leeks growing out of James' ears. James' next spell turned Snape's wobbling jelly legs into chicken legs, which paralysed the Gryffindors with laughter. Snape growled angrily and yelled "_Delgarminus!" _

James flew backwards painfully into a nearby wall. He got up again; he didn't feel anything grow out his ears or his nose… the curse hadn't worked! 

"Ha!" He cried standing up, "What was that supposed to - hey! What's so funny?" 

All the Slytherins were on the floor, unable to breathe with laughter, he noticed the girls were going red with giggles, even the Gryffindors. 

Remus and Sirius indicated down and James looked down. 

His eyes widened and placing his hands down _there so as to gather what little dignity he had left. _

"Son of a bitch!" He cried as the students gathered around exploded with laughter. 

"Cold in here eh Potter?" Said Snape smugly.

James threw his wand aside and leapt on Snape with a cry of primal fury, knocking Snape's wand out his hand and flinging punches into his sneering face. Snape, caught slightly off guard, clamped his hands firmly around James throat and the two of them rolled over and over, swearing and yelling.

Before long James and Snape both had black eyes, Snape had knocked James' glasses flying into a wall where they smashed and James had punched Snape in the face. Snape now had a bloody nose and, taking advantage of James' lack of robes, he retaliated by giving him the most painful nipple-cripple that he had ever received in his life (do they have nipple cripples in America? It's when you clamp your two first fingers over their nipple and crank it round. It does hurt apparently.) James let out a yelp of pain and brought his leg up between Snape's legs. Serverus promptly let out a high pitched scream and head butted James. 

There were shouts of encouragement from both sides; some of the Gryffindors were taking bets, even the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were cheering on the two combatants. The fight had long ago lost any form of gentlemanly elegance, both Snape and James were bloody and messy, covered in cuts and bruises. 

It only stopped when an angry group of teachers stomped down the corridor yelling for the two of them to break up the fight. Professor Montague, transfiguration teacher and head of Gryffindor house (at the time, if I've got it wrong please tell me!), eventually came down and pulled the pair of them apart. With a flick of his wand, he held them there as they yelled further insults and tried to get at each other again.

"Boys! Stop! NOW!" Montague cried.

They settled down, still grunting and growling like a pair of wild animals. Montague stepped smartly between them and fumed angrily "How _dare you two! Fighting like… like… __trolls in the middle of the corridor! Are we not civilised human beings here?! And for pity's sake Potter PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"_

The crowd dispersed, still sniggering at James, quickly and quietly.

The two boys, looking rather foolish, were escorted, Snape walking in rooster step thanks to his new chicken legs, to Professor Dumbledore's office. Both of them throwing evil glances at each other whenever they thought that Professor Montague wasn't looking.


End file.
